suueeeeeeey

Oink oink, bitches. Piggy-day. But these aren't you standard bacon pigs. These are wild boars and they will demolish you. Snort snort.


Yo, little man, wanna go dig me up some truffles. Yeah? Thanks. I owe you.

What's the deal with those fat ol domestic pigs rolling in mud all the time. Uncivilized, I agree. More foix gras? Why thank you. This Champagne is marvelous by the way.

Babe, PiTC, eat your fucking heart out. This is not your day. Get 'im pumpkin!
Such a jaunty prance.

Fan boiz friday

Felice friday and as a new instalment here at jalg, we're gunna do fan appreciation friday. Thanks everybody for all of you fauning emails and hillarious comments. Suggestions are always welcome.

Pics!
These two honey badgers are courtesey of my dear friend Monki Brewster, huge madonna fan.

Showing agression or doing the butterfly? If we took a holiday...

Holy fuck, it's a luckdragon. I said, holy fuck it's a luckdragon.
It's about to talk I swear. C'mon. What are you going to say. It's going to be so wise and witty. Kinda scary.


Let's see, what elses do we have.....O, this isn't technicly fan inspired, I just found it on my desktop. But it's pretty fucking cute.
I have a very strong feeling that this guy's been up before. But, honestly, who cares. My memory is just bad enough that I'm willing to enjoy things twice. You should try it.
That's not his toung its the tounge of a giant snake that he's eating. It's really just a squirrel.

Ok, onto the north american possums which were sen to me by JB Zimmerman in response to the honey possums that we threw up around vd-day.

Raaaar. Looks like Splinter's comin to git ya. Beedy little eyes: surprisingly cute.
He looks all evil and junk but get your pinky into his little underbelly and man-o-man does he go nuts. Coochie-coochie-coo.

Don't these guys remind you of American Tale. They floated here from norway in that bucket and now they're unloading at Ellis Island (where they will be washed, vaccinated and renamed.)
One of them is wearing a thimble for a hat and another is carrying a box of matches for a suticase. Those are the only objects of that scale that I can think of. It's gunna be tough guys but in three generations, you'll be living the american dream.

According to the filename, this is a this is a tarsier. DING! Another desktop score.
There is kind of a blurry line below the nose that I think is the mouth and if I'm right, he's making an incredibly baffled expression. Kind of Kermit D Frog-ish. Not to mention that his eyes are clearly backlit. This is one of those internet optical illusion where if you look striaght into his eyes for 60 seconds and then close your eyes for 10 and then hold your breath for 20 and then drink water upsidedown, you'll see god.

Woops, this one is from khyde, who didn't feel like actually communicating with me but did send me this link.
So malproportioned. Apparently, he's a kiwi and the poor little guy gets no help from his parents. Hatch and go. Go get 'em motherfucker, it's a cruel world but your fucking badass and nothing can stop you. You can do anything you put your mind to!

The remaining pics are all from my lovely new fiance Nikita (embedded sound), who i believe is either from Belarus or Thailand.

This is a tenrec and don't even think about it, I have him next for taxes. He's good: last year he managed to get all of the tips I gave to strippers deducted ($66,000).
It's cool dude, I like math too. But don't tell anybody, or else. Tenrecs are sometimes called fake hedgehogs.


We've seen sloths before but not like this. OG B-boy sloth. Boombox and cardboard mat. The french still do this shit, I can't believe it. Love 'em.
And for my next trick, I'm going to juggle one baby three-toed b-boy sloth while doing the turtle.

<Cathartic>Uggghhhhhh, I am so embarrassed. What did I do last night? Now this girl won't talk to me because apparently I said something terrible, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was.</Cathartic>
I guess I'll just hide my face like this silky anteater. Wow! C'meer. I wonder how big you are. Hmmmmm.

Ooop. I see you. Hi. Such a nice little question mark like tail on this guy and again with the no-ears thing. One giant claw for opening beer cans and bags of chips.
Why are you so shy sliky anteater?

Shit, well, it's almost saturday now here at jalg fan boiz friday. Opps. Looks like I done blogged the whole day away. Keep those emails coming and get ready for the big switch to www.justalittleguy.com .

Holy Loris

I just loooorve, the name loris. Here on out, that's my shit. I'm all: yo, peep my new coat; shit's loris. or: "Hey, whatcha up to? Wanna come over and loris?" It functions basicly like the smurfese word "smurf." as in: I'm going to beat the living smurf out of you.

So, randy and I had a few extra bucks and we decided to go down to Sears and get a couple of pictures taken to preserve the moment you know. But dicklicker photo-booth-boy apparently is totally unfamiliar with the concept of red eye. So here's me, the psychotic she-beast, with randy. Merry xmas.

I'm calling bullshit. That's a house plant. It might even be a fake house plant.

Ummmm. I don't know where to start. You ran out of branch there little guy. Lookin at it won't make it grow any faster. Why is it that I can't help thinking that pie-slice here has a wrestler's body. That's wierd, he's a monkey or something.
I can't figure this out but I do like his little cauliflower ears.

He's more scared of you than you are of him. Um, no smurfin' way. This is by far the craziest nut job monkey ever. I think we caught him with the nikon right in the middle of a ho-down or a game of one man leap frog. Maybe he was doing the grab-the-big-ol-booty dance, which ladies, if you don't know, is how all guys dance when they're alone.
I sure got a lot of dumb crap to say today.

You might be thinking that this is a pretty standard wide-eyed, smiling, button-nosed loris pic but take care to notice the clinging cuteness at her side. Oh mama. Got his little face buried so deep in that tit that he can't breath. The tiny little hand gropingfor a hand-hold. Scrunched up nose. I think this is really exemplory. He's like the incipient embodiment of cuteness.
There's an unidentified limb wrapped around the tree there. Don't ask questions ass hole, what ever it is, it's cute.
Cute, cuter, cutest. What the loris is going on here. All these vague conceptual ideas of cuteness are swirling around like apparitions. I don't know where to look. Oh, wait I figured it out. Look at the tiny one. Look hard. He as a funny little hair cut and really big nose. Big old paws and ...no ears? Ok that's fine. no ears. They are being imprisoned from below. How sad. So sad.


What the loris more can i say?

Dik Dik

So, I've been looking at a lot of these guys and I decided that I should only show one. So I'm going to go with dis Dik Dik. O snap! That's right you heard me: Dik dik. Call me immature, call me a pussy or even an ass but I sure love the dik dik.


Oh come on. You really want to stop after one dik dik? Naw, you can handle another.

I think dis dik dik was photoshopped. What a horny little dik dik.

I hope y'all think this is as funny as I do. Cuz believe me I dooooo.

O you think you can take more than one dik dik at a time. Holy fuck three dik diks!
Oh, one of them is just a baby dik dik. But still, that sure is a lot of dik diks. Ouch.

smeeeeeep

Happy belated valentines day. I'm so sorry I forgot. It's ok to hate me, but please don't. I got you these: Pikas.

If you could only hear the noise that these guys make. It's like a "smeeep. smeeeeeeeeep" and I change my ring to it.
Thanks Jim.

Ooooooo, carnations. I just love carnations. Thanks so much. You're the best pika.

Awwww. smeeeeeep you too.

What a lovely bouquet. Is that baby's breath.
They live among the rocks.

Oh don't even. You can't make up for that shit you pulled with flowers. You got to earn my love, bitch.

Put that stupid grin away before I smack it off of your fat face. Oh my. Is that cilantro? I do like cilantro. Ok, ya fuck, I forgive you.

Revolution

That's it. I know you're nipples are chaffed and irritated from nursing the army of death so it's ok to use the bottle as long as you got it with the breast pump.
Good. We need well nutured minions because the fucking douche bags are up to it again. And this time they're biting MY shit.

I wish I could telll you where this image came from, but I can't because I emailed it to myself when I was drunk last night and that's all I know. It's a chrismas mirracle.

Honey Possum

Honeysucking nightdweller? Sounds like some kind of hooker. But not just an ordinary hooker, a honeysucking hooker, at night. Got that? Damn straight. The only nectarivorous mamal. Sucking honey up like woah.

Caught you off gaurd there didn't I fella? This is quite possibly the least threatening conceivable creature on the market today. He eats only nectar and he's "half the size of mouse." He weighs 5-10 grams. That's a slow night in the LES where I come from. Easy on the wicker there, you're gunna get fat; you're built for eating nectar.

HA! Caught ya. That's corn that you're eating and you're supposed to only eat nectar. What is nectar anyway? Fuck it. Eat corn and be merry.
This thing opperates on scales that I can't even comprehend.


Look at this little ass hole. He's cross eyed and all dumb as shit. He can't even really hold onto this thumb. Pointy-nose big-ears. Red nose much?
I'm gunna make the big leap here and assert that this little guy looks kind of unhappy with his situation. Maybe he's one of those creatures that evolved so that he's always in pain. Base level is agony and you can add or subtract from there. Oh that's horrible. Sorry.

By the way, if you didn't look at your hand to see how big he is and compare it to dickweed's hand up there, then there's something wrong with you.

Lil' dear mouse Jon

meeep. meeeeeeep. Squeeek. I'm speachless.

Turns out the deer mouse is way cuter than the tit mouse. Who'd a thought.


so, fucking, small. I can't make out the details because I don't have a macro lense on my fucking face.
So anthromorphic, the hands. hold me.

Sleep. Deep. Squeek. Peeps.
Hold onto that bark, dog. Dark bog. Smart frog. Hot dog.

Bluck blcuk. Fuck chuck. Huck muck. And rake it. You can't fake it. goodness sake it. Just take it.
More pic. Whore dicks. Sore dicks. Whore hicks. Neither poor sticks nor hard core flicks.

snow day

Second biggest snow storm in New York history. I don't buy it. But fuck it, it's a good excuse to sit around, drink Ethyl Mermans and blog' snow animals. What a life.

Blaaaahhhhh. It's cold but I can dive headlong into a car and it doesn't hurt.

Look at those giant glassy eyes and the tounge for god's sake, the tounge. How do these guys get around anyway? Put him back in the ocean, he's got no earthly business on land.

Cougar. Based on my extremely limited zoological knowledge, cougagrs naturally inhabbit trees in jungles and deserts. But what have we here. A cougar in the snow? I call bullshit. No, I call photoshop.

He kind of has that serious little kid look. Which is terrible. It either means that he's a nasty bully or he's been victimized by one. Believe me, I know. One of those kids that builds a half decent soap box car with no help. He's got his helmet under his arm and one foot on the car and it's all sepiatone. Half Norman Rockwell, half American Express commercial. Americana mother-fucker.

Oooooh whatisit

Sweeepstakes contest mystery time. According to this website, these are "the cute babies in a nest." Nice work Einstein. But what are they? Gopher, ferret, field beast? Dunno.


The front-man reminds me of the king john character in the animated Robin Hood. Yesss.

Golden -manteled tree kanga-WHAT

So, the story is as follows according to this national geographic article, " [t]he animal is the rarest arboreal, jungle-dwelling kangaroo in the world." Now that's saying something. Now, I'm a busy man and if I had time to be reading science nerd shit, then I would certainly have time to spell check my fucking blog. Feel me? But according to Rob Green, a bunch of science nerds found a bunch of new animals in Indonesia or Malasia or someshit like that. Rob Green is a director, a football pl;ayer, and a motorsportist. Booya. GO ROB!

Coochie, coochie mother-fuckin coo. He beat me to the g.d. punch. I was totally just about to start tickling his wittle neck. Now he's auto-tickling with his intelegently designed prehensile tail. Brilliant.

For such a rare tree dwelling jungle kangaroo, he sure is docile. Let's talk about that head! Looks like a bull terrier. Spuds McKenzie, eat a dick. Squinty eyes make him look sleepy. So lazy looking. Looks so cumfy. Snuggley. Sleepy.

Fossa

Yo check out what I got. Mmmmmbooya. It's a pork shoulder joint and I am going to eat every tiny little piece of flesh off of it.

Speaking of shoulder joints, I found this picture of a fossa pup on the internet and he's got a shoulder joint too, although I don't think it's pork. Get in there little dude, I bet I can eat more than you. O it's fucking on!

For such an adorable face, he has a really stable looking stance. Try to push him down. Fuck you! Why you look so guilty guy? Did you kill the goat or just steal it off of someone else. Either way, I guess.

This was inspired by the fossa video on this page. Please, though, don't stop there.

Dino-Dillo

Suckle that rubber teat, my little Pangolin friend. When you grow up you'll basicly be a stegosaurus or something. You'll pick up cows and shake them back and forth in your powerful jaws.

O snap, you totally bought that. Pangolins don't even have teeth or the ability to chew. You're so fucking gulllible.

This is as ferocious as Pangolins get when they're grown. He's bashful, leave him alone. Meatwad? Anybody? Anybody?

Groundhog Day (the movie not the day)

Damit fuck. I totally forgot it was Groundhog day. Look at these little guys.


a k a woodchucks and check it out:

He's actually chucking away at a 3/8 inch dowel. Chuck on little man.

This one is chucking the living shit out of some heron.
Ewwwwww. Kids don't do drugs. And if you're gunna, either snort em or smoke em. But this is just so sad. Look at it all running down his chin like that. All sorts of crazy hairs coming out of everyplace. Enjoy it.

Taggin' hookers

You're kidding right? Wait, hold on, look at the text. You're fucking kidding right? Where do I start? Eyes, ears, whiskers, sad face, wrinkly skin, floppy fins, pile of sea lions in background. OR! hooker OR! tagged. I think this picture was planted on the internet just for JALG.


Fuckin'... Come here buddy, you look like you need a hug. I'm sorry I scolded you but that was part of what $150 and a sixer of red stripe buys me. Privelage. Come on over here and give me a goddamn hug.
Look at that big 'ol forehead. Noogies. I'm starting to get a little suspicious about how much this little chap looks like a dog. Noogies.