Holy Loris

I just loooorve, the name loris. Here on out, that's my shit. I'm all: yo, peep my new coat; shit's loris. or: "Hey, whatcha up to? Wanna come over and loris?" It functions basicly like the smurfese word "smurf." as in: I'm going to beat the living smurf out of you.

So, randy and I had a few extra bucks and we decided to go down to Sears and get a couple of pictures taken to preserve the moment you know. But dicklicker photo-booth-boy apparently is totally unfamiliar with the concept of red eye. So here's me, the psychotic she-beast, with randy. Merry xmas.

I'm calling bullshit. That's a house plant. It might even be a fake house plant.

Ummmm. I don't know where to start. You ran out of branch there little guy. Lookin at it won't make it grow any faster. Why is it that I can't help thinking that pie-slice here has a wrestler's body. That's wierd, he's a monkey or something.
I can't figure this out but I do like his little cauliflower ears.

He's more scared of you than you are of him. Um, no smurfin' way. This is by far the craziest nut job monkey ever. I think we caught him with the nikon right in the middle of a ho-down or a game of one man leap frog. Maybe he was doing the grab-the-big-ol-booty dance, which ladies, if you don't know, is how all guys dance when they're alone.
I sure got a lot of dumb crap to say today.

You might be thinking that this is a pretty standard wide-eyed, smiling, button-nosed loris pic but take care to notice the clinging cuteness at her side. Oh mama. Got his little face buried so deep in that tit that he can't breath. The tiny little hand gropingfor a hand-hold. Scrunched up nose. I think this is really exemplory. He's like the incipient embodiment of cuteness.
There's an unidentified limb wrapped around the tree there. Don't ask questions ass hole, what ever it is, it's cute.
Cute, cuter, cutest. What the loris is going on here. All these vague conceptual ideas of cuteness are swirling around like apparitions. I don't know where to look. Oh, wait I figured it out. Look at the tiny one. Look hard. He as a funny little hair cut and really big nose. Big old paws and ...no ears? Ok that's fine. no ears. They are being imprisoned from below. How sad. So sad.

What the loris more can i say?


Blogger trudatnyc said...

omfg.. this entry should be bronzed for posterity.

6:03 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

[solitary, brink of tears clapping building inexorably by a standing ovation]

6:06 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

please figure out a way to publish JALG into a gorgeous 4-color, hardback, anniversary edition coffee table book. it would be the perfect gift for anyone on my list for any occasion. i sincerely love you. it's embarrassing how much you make me laugh.

8:01 AM

Anonymous rivegauche said...

Love it. Completely worth getting fired for the overheard LOL.

3:27 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

O man, I think loris==lorax. Like, Geisel was havin a real bad day with the brownies his momz bro packed for him while he was on safari in Ceylon an BAP whoa, the trees are cool colors. Wham, red, blue, truffy trees, woo. Then he didn't see the loris come down out of the tree he's humping in a stoner haze but it goes all like BIZZITCH GET OFF MY HIZZOUSE but in loris, and he's laughing too hard to do anything but try to draw it, quick, and when he's done he draws a mustache on it BECAUSE HE'S STONED TO THE GILLS and then someone tells him what it's called but he's still stoned, and bam. Lorax.

Holy loris.

6:13 PM

Anonymous Courtney said...

I have to tell you that your commentary is so much better than all the other cute animal blogs.

6:23 PM

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3:11 PM


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