Nikita's tiger's

I'm sorry baby, it wasn't personal when i ditched the bat. I've been having a really rough time and you know I love you baby. Here's those tigers you sent me they're so cute but not as cute as you.
(Aside and underbreath): uggh, can you believe the shit I have to go through.

Roooooar, you are a killing machine. King of the jungle! Ruler of all you survey. Harbinger of terror. Consumer of fresh meat. Conniseur of ofal delights.
Snuggler of blue nosed bear. Lounger of carpet. Perpetrator of confused stare.

Kissy fight. Ahhhh, no, get away. Heee. Giggle. Heehee. Oh my top ripped! Let's fight naked. Hee hee. Oh, ooooooo. Oh Sandra. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh....
Childish lesbian porn jokes aside, ....psych! Childish lesbian porn joke in front. (by the by, the lesbians are childish, not the jokes. Or maybe it's the porn that's childish. I didn't come here to argue semantics, or did I?)


parade of baby monkeys!

Well I have to quit because I am no good at this. This dude has a pretty comprehensive collection of monkeys.
I'm kinda in a rush, because I have no time because I'm leaving for frisco-a-disco tomorrow. I'll do some field work while i'm there.

Let's go, PICS!

This is a wooly monkey, in baby form of course.
Huge orbs either on their way in or out of his head. Dear lord put those giant light sucking peepers back were you got em.

"I gotta go"
(muffled by teet) "C'mon stay a sec longer."
"naw, sorry"

Orangatang, oranga ranga ranga, purple haze, oranga rang a ranga.
Monkey calling, speak the slang now. Holy shit this is the happiest creature ever. Period. Exclamation point. He looks like a nintendo cartoon icon for happiness. Superb

Peep. What?
The baby looks so forlorned. Awwwww.

More orangatang. They looks so fucking smart it scares me. I'm not just talking about the sagacious droopy eyed mother, but also the scraggly haired lightning wit of that child.
Geniuses always have fucked up hair.

Tamarind. Got two babies don't cha. Oooo that one in front is holding on for dear fucking life and he's trying so hard that he forgot about the whole primate thing and he's doing a good job of looking like a gerbil.
You should be ashamed of yourself.

Ok, keep it coming, more wooly monkey. I'm typing like a maniac over here.
He's basicly treating his mom-dukes like some sort of high performace vehicle. You can see the wind whipping through his hair as he make a the generic pitch changing gear shifting race car noise with his lips. Ppppbbbbbppbpbrbrbrbrbrbrbrbbrrrrr.

But seriously foks. This one's my favorite because he's a squirel monkey and he sweeeping. Shhhhh.

He's got a fist full of hair and his wittlw weft foot is weaching up and gwabbing some more haiw. And he's all snuggley and tiurd. Sewiously shhhhhhh.

elephant ELEPHANT

Let's play reconstruction. I'm imagining s a domino like situation in which the baby tips over out of exhaustion knocking the mother down, thud. Or better yet. Emotional dominos. Baby in a fit of exhuberant youth spazzes himself straight into unconciousness, the mother following with a symapthetic trumpeting.Thump.


combat wombat

Well, alas, combat wombat doesn't look like he's going to make it to the next round. Domage. But, I decided to have a little thing to say goodbye because, you know, wombats are now extinct because of you. Assholes.

You know, I can put up giggly little cute pictures of wombats. I can do that. I was trying to push you boundaries a little, but fine, if you want to live in your little safe world where wombats make you tap your coworker and go 'ahhwwhgghhgha", then that's what you'll get.

This your basic science fictiony bizzaro wombat. Alkso kinda artsy. This might actually be a mouse I have no clue.
He's all: "I'm doing it, I'm doing it!" and the dude behind him is all: Way to go champ!

Straight up. Wombats are cute. Little ears round and fuzzy all that good stuff.
Whatcha got there little guy? Sock? Used rubber? Syringe? firearm? Who gives a wombat a firearm anyway? He's got a rucking record for godsake and you just hand him a forty 5 like it's a glass of fucking water. You're the criminal.

Now this is a little series I call Aussie dudes manhandling wombats. This dude barely has pubes and he's got his money grips all up on this wombat. Ew.

Looks like your little friend there isn't too psyched about your new "arrangement"

Man, this wombat looks fucking laaaaaaazy, and believe me I know lazy. Some wombats are like: hold me. This one is like: cradle. I'm just going to lie here like a sack 'o' taters.
Shit he just wants to hang dog.

HEY! I know you, you fuck. You're that dude who threw his baby at a monster, right? Yeah, you are.
That wombat looks fucking heavy am I right? And what's up with wombats just being dead weight. It's a vestigial traight from their evolutionary era of liberal activism. You know what that makes you croc-dog? Riot cop. Bitch.

Now, to finish off our series of aussies groping wombats.

There is something about the bug eyed look of surprise combined with the clean hands and stethescope that has a really genuinely horrific sci-fi alien-probing unwilling-patient thing. I'm getting all sceeved out here.
Oh, god , oh god. He's all helpless, legs dangling. Terrified, wouldn't you be.


p dubs V

I'd like to start out by saying, nice work on the comment bombing. Keep it up. cute overload can rot in hell.

Let's play pancakes or waffles. Yay!

The rules: Votes go down in the comments section. Cheating is only cheating if you get caught.

The defending champ: He's changed the number of toes he has but he's still in a box and that what matters: Sloth In A Box.

Myaaa, hi. Better watch out, I'm finna scoop that box and bolt. Why you put something that I want so bad in an easily portable container. Dumbass. PEACE!

And now, Rocky to sloth's Apollo Creed, the wunda from down-unda, the aussie scruff-job, Wom-Bat!!!!

Hey, you know what I say, "If you got an itch..." He's kinda got a little piggy nose which almost looks like a tongue licking a regular nose. Back me up here. And he's clawing himself so ferociously that he's done gone and tipped his little ass over. I really like the right hand plant, left hand lift neck scratch move. I saw this guy playing twister in the '86 world champs and let me tell you. There was this Russian contortionist who thoought she was all that and figured she had everybody beat and then wombat comes out like 'what now? huh? what up now?"

It was fucking sick.


panda beef

I don't mean panda beef like to eat. I mean panda beef like some really angry scrappy little guys that want to throw the fuck down. The anonymous commenter that started war with cute overload has apparently stirred up some aggression over there because she deleted his comments, which were hilarious. Something about a gerbil in the ass if I recall.
So what? If I'm not a puppy in a stocking or a bunny next to a plate of muffins I don't have the right to be heard? Not around here lady. I don't know where you operate but this is the blogosphere and we let people talk. You want puppies, get one. This is the internet, bitch.

We here at JALG cannot (legallyl) support comment section wars, but we do it anyway. Get 'em.

So I got a panda and it started to smell so I figured, maybe it's going bad. So, I put the thing in tupper ware, and threw it in the fridge. There were air holes, don't freak. But the problem is that the smell get out through the air holes. No I figure, maybe it's not an issue of rotting panda but instead of hygene. Take the thing out back, hose it off. Still stinks.
So I say fuck, what now. Digestion/diet problem. I stop feeding him raw beef. Give him some chinese take out because I figure natural habbitat or whatever. Doesn't work. STINK.

I'm a pimp by blood, not relation
Ya'll be chasinI replace them,

Drunk off Cris, Mami on e.
Can't keep her little model hands off me.

Throw your guns in the air. We're going back to war.
bluck bluck bluck Posted by Picasa



All right! Finally a little love from the world. It gets lonely in the jalg bunker sometimes and it's nice to know that I can get a little support as I raise an army to take dow those fuckers at cuteoverload. Now, I'm not one to grudge, but this article in New York magazine lists them as one of "five blogs to check out" Doooooooooooouche . I think that's all I need to say.

Laura "the slug" is diligently rearing this sugar glider who, as we know, is the most ferrocious creater know to man.
ooooo, watch out laura, he'll take your finger off, shove it up your ass and keep feeding you and feeding you and feeding you.

This fuzzy wittle bunny is actually a chief espionage operative trained by Marjie to infiltrate cuteoverload's ranks. You'd think that just because he didn't have a leg in the air and his tween swinging all around that he wouldn't be a jalg soldier. But here he is.
This is your basic hiya-king-fu stance. The thing about the bunny here is that he's kinda a sex addict and he's into some wierd shit. It's always the quiet ones.

Smeep. Shove a worm down my gullet. This one's from Image_Shifter who gets the that-was-crazy-like-actually-crazy award. But sure is a mean bird.
He's been fucking around with high voltage armaments all day. Hence the hair.

This is from Stephanie in Princeton, NJ. This is your basic guerilla junta.
"this clump of grass here is going to be cuteoverload.com, and this rock is going to be a rock. "
Smash smash smash.
"and this hammer, it's a hammer"
club club club
"and this blow torch, a blow torch"
seer seer seer
"and this M80, it's an M80"
kablammo kablammo kablammo


Oh!, sorry.

Me: Oh shit, sorry, I didn't. Um. I 'll just wait out here, I guess.

Freaky ass big o'bear: No, I'ts cool. Come on in.

Me: (laughing nervously) No, thanks. Really. I'm just not. um, ....

FABOB (friendly, still scratching nonchalantly at taint/grundle area): No! really, I mean it. Have a seat.

Me: I'm just not totally comfortable with this. Don't take it personally. (mustering courage) Could you please, um, put your leg down, please.

FABOB: You're cute.

Me: I'm outta here.

FABOB: Wait!, wait. Sorry. I'm not trying to freak you out. I just...

Me: Well you are.

FABOB: And I'm sorry for that. You need to unders...

Me: Seriously, can you put your leg down.

FABOB: O, yeah, sorry. I don't want to offend you I just...

Me: Leg! Down!

FABOB: I'm not very good at this. I've been in a relationship for a long time and I've just grown really comfortable with....

Me: Holy fucking shit put your leg down. If you could see what I'm seeing, you'd understand, I promise.

FABOB: You are cute.

Me: That's it, I'm outta here.


Morning after

Ughhhhhh. What?! I'm sleeping. Turn it down. Kill that light. Ughhhh.

Sucking down Eukalypus last night like it was fucking candy and now look at ya. Pathetic. He has his eyes shut and even has his ears sort of tucked in and pulled down. I bet his nostrils are sealed tight as a baby sphincter. Ew.
I guess they have a thing for getting all jammed up and nussled in tree nooks. I suppose if I lived in a tree, that's where I'd hang out too. Good butt support and soforth. God bless 'em.


P & W: 4.2

It was a fucking tie. I shit you not. Apparently, these guys are well matched so, get in the ring motherfucker.

He is back and he is pissed if not a little tuckered out from the last fight. It's alright, I understand, sleep.
I think this might be some other kind of baby raccoon, like a Quebecoise raccoon or something. But, as you may know, I don't know shit about animals. He's got a nice nestle goin' on in that hand. Rounded ears, striped tail, little hands, sleepy eyes. Booya.

And his competitor:

Sloth in a box! and you're to blame.
So, when I left Dayton, the only thing in these boxes were books, knick-knacks, clothes, kitchen stuff and my Jumanji game. I swear. But now, there's this baby sloth hanging off the side and sleeping at the same time, which is adorable.

O man, o man. The thing about sloths is that they're called that for a reason. Lazy little fuckers and if you take them out of a tree and put them on the ground they look really uncomfortable and out of place. This guy on the other hand is right at home in a cardboard box as long as he can grip and dangle. Do your thing sloth-dog.

Get out the vote. Rock the vote. Vote or die.



I dug this out of the ol' inbox. Thanks Turd.
Such a dramatic stance of cartoonish bewilderment. This is how it should be. The way his head is mounted on his neck is very Prince John from Robin Hood cartoon movie. I know I've mentioned him before and I think maybe I posted this giraffe before. But honestly, do you really care. I don't.
I want to put you pictures up, I do, I do. So send them to me.

That's not a knife

It's a koala bear. Yesssss. While not technically bears, koalas are technically high as a balls on eucalyptus all the fucking time.

These guys are all:
"ass fuck no evil, ass fuck no evil, get ass fucked no evil." No evil.

I've always had this idea which is kind of CSI now that I think about it. It's all about reconstructing the past based on the present. Let's try.
While galavanting around some of his favorite eucalyptus trees. This little fella sucked down one too many narcotic leaves and passed out on his feet. In the tree. From there, he kinda tumbles from branch to branch until he finds himself wedged, comfortably yet irremovably, in this nook. Rest up dude, you'll need your strength to wriggle out of there with the hangover of a lifetime tomorrow morn.

Obliviously, baby's kinda got mama by the jowel (first singular usage ever) and is tugging away. Tugg up on it little man.
What's that little man checkin up on? I don't know but those beady little eyes sure are intent. I would say ice cream or candy or hookers but he's a baby koala and what do koalas like more than meth or heron or the white lady? Simple. eucalyptus.

Throw your guns up. Bluck Bluck Bluck.
Recognize. He's really small. But he has fierce claws which are just coke nails and roach clips in disguise. Clever little junky.


panda porn

Do not do click this if you have shit to do. I am very fucking serious right now. This is the kind of video you want to get a hotel room and a nice bottle of wine and really spend some time on it.
10 minutes of tai shan.

This is more like a frat slut in the bathroom at max's upstairs.

EDIT: I'm an ass. here is the link.

What would I do without David

Pancakes or Waffles part: whatever comes next

Today on pan or waf we're paying homage to laziness in the form of the first few google images that come up in a search. Also we're paying homage to me psyching you out with the red panda who will not be featured in this afternoon's event but will return, rested and refreshed, for a later fight. PICS!

First off, the challenger. Baby sloth, shown here with mama sloth. Smiling dutifully as sloth are prone to do.
Get your fucking nestle on ma! That looks really comfy if not a little itchy. Here's some things to think about when making your decision:
1: sloth, from goonies.
2: sloth, the behavioral tendancy
3: sloth, the ewok looking shaggy bag of smiles snuggled up next to mama (see above)

And in this corner, the reigning champ. The trash eating treasure. Baby rac-coooooooon!!!!


How does he get anything done. I have enough trouble and I'm only about 70% as cute as snuggle-but right here. Fine, maybe 80%.

Alright, hang chads like high-school hockey players hang brain and get your vote on, you queen.



Shut up. I don't owe my readers anything. I'll blog when I damn well please. I've been busy:. Get off my back. Fuck you Dad!It's a sloth. BTW. But I was over at the retired Labyrinth characters home and it felt like someone was missing. Zoinks.