Oh!, sorry.

Me: Oh shit, sorry, I didn't. Um. I 'll just wait out here, I guess.

Freaky ass big o'bear: No, I'ts cool. Come on in.

Me: (laughing nervously) No, thanks. Really. I'm just not. um, ....

FABOB (friendly, still scratching nonchalantly at taint/grundle area): No! really, I mean it. Have a seat.

Me: I'm just not totally comfortable with this. Don't take it personally. (mustering courage) Could you please, um, put your leg down, please.

FABOB: You're cute.

Me: I'm outta here.

FABOB: Wait!, wait. Sorry. I'm not trying to freak you out. I just...

Me: Well you are.

FABOB: And I'm sorry for that. You need to unders...

Me: Seriously, can you put your leg down.

FABOB: O, yeah, sorry. I don't want to offend you I just...

Me: Leg! Down!

FABOB: I'm not very good at this. I've been in a relationship for a long time and I've just grown really comfortable with....

Me: Holy fucking shit put your leg down. If you could see what I'm seeing, you'd understand, I promise.

FABOB: You are cute.

Me: That's it, I'm outta here.


Blogger trudatnyc said...

* rubs eyes *
* blinds self *

2:56 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Best. JALG. Ever.

Holy hell, you have 6 people laughing, crowded over my monitor.

Last that happened for me required some self-flaggelation. You just wrote something.


3:02 AM

Anonymous nikita said...

Clearly, FABOB is not familiar with the concept of a safeword.

Also, you're a very good writer.

9:16 AM

Anonymous nikita said...

And further also, dude, call the sloth race already.

9:18 AM

Anonymous Sarah said...

I was once at the St. Louis zoo and there was a spectacled bear there that was just going to town on himself. Very awkward.

All the little kids kept asking "Mommy, what's he doing?"

10:54 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

'S that a sun bear? Sun bears are my favorite. A bit more of them than I usually like to see, but still.

6:02 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Super color scheme, I like it! Good job. Go on.

7:44 AM

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