5.04.2006

Pancake or Waffles, 6: reign of the slothinabox

Bring the pain, it is on.

I am trying so hard to find a picture of a sloth in a box that isn't cute. But I'm sorry, it's like the fight is rigged. The sloth is totally the well equipped prep school kids, clean shaven and mean to their cheerleader girlfriends. Despicable and utterly unbeatable. (On topic: the first jalg post ever which is a little foretelling if not bland.)

I mean come the fuck on. Sloth in a box. For god's sake. The desperation and neediness is oozing out of the corrugated sides. Does he want out or does he want YOU to come in? I don't know but what ever it is I'll do it.

And the challenger. The scruffy underdog from the wrong side of the tracks. He's not mean to his girlfriend because he ain't got one and he found his helmet in his grandfather's attic.
Bear cub in a tree. It seems weak, feeble even. What next? S.O.A.P? The cat in the hat?
I do like the way the leaf is hanging out of the side of his mouth while he's distracted by something below. Kind of a cheap gag but it got me nonetheless. It's on par with overfilling someone's coffee cup because your looking out the window. You know what I think? He's looking at something to eat that's not a fucking leaf. Duh.

VOTE!

69 Comments:

Blogger becca-jo said...

bear in a tree.
sloth in a box can suck it.

12:57 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First you make me hate the sloth, then you make me defend the sloth, then you post a sloth in the SAME BOX. The sloth doesn't change facial expressions!


Sloth in a box wins. Destroy all bear cubs.

1:18 PM

 
Anonymous nikita said...

retire. the. sloth. everyone will be happy. it's the only way. i'll know that my beloved little guys are undefeated, and everyone else won't have to deal with any more S.I.A.B.

that said, the bear has a lazy eye like the bartender at the pub near me, and that freaks me out.

all sloth, all the time. represent.

1:53 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sloth in the box for the win!

1:58 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sloth in a box sloth in a box slooooothhhhhh!!!! In a box!!!!!

-Katie

2:23 PM

 
Blogger Miss Plum said...

so sloth.

2:41 PM

 
Blogger becca-jo said...

miss plum, you're wearing a bear on your head! how can you not choose bear in a tree?

attractive headwear sloths do not make.

3:17 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At this point I would vote for ANYTHING that is NOT a sloth in a box! Those sloths are just plain boring!

Go Bear Cub!!!

3:24 PM

 
Blogger Joanne said...

I love sloths, but this is ridiculous. Can we try a vote with a sloth *without* a box? I really am curious whether it's just sloth or the combination of sloth with prop.

At any rate, I vote for the underdog-- lazy eye bear cub eating a flower!

3:42 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Much as I want to say 'bear', I've gotta go for the sloth. I'm sorry. He's just captivated me.

Sorry bear, maybe another time.

3:42 PM

 
Blogger Newfweiler said...

Bear

4:01 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bear in a tree!
we can defeat the evil sloth...
theres a reason its a "deadly" sin

4:14 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sloth FTW.

Although, i do agree with the poster above who mentions that the Sloth could just be retired as "undefeated"...

4:51 PM

 
Anonymous Oceans Edge said...

Go sloth! Go sloth! Go sloth! Go sloth! Go sloth!Go sloth!Go sloth! Go sloth! Go sloth!Go sloth!

4:55 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't imaagine many animals ever whipping the sloth in a box. Sloth in a box is the LeBron of pancakes v. waffles.

5:01 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

¡SLIZOTH!

5:03 PM

 
Anonymous elwood blues said...

i think those are tribbles in the box with the sloth. either that, or slotheses have tags in their asses. just for that, i vote bearcub.
go cubs!

5:09 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the thing with the tag is a stuffed animal, not another sloth. in fact, i think maybe it's a teddy bear. so you get both a sloth and a bear (sort of), while in the other corner you just get the bear. it's like a two for one.

i've had a long think about this vote. i didn't want to throw it away and i believe every vote makes a difference. at least ethically and morally on a personal level. numerically not so much. but i've got to sleep at night. having said that, anyone who votes green party is still on my shit list. ethics don't have to cancel out practicality, kids.

anyway, i vote sloth. he's sort of been the seabiscuit and it's ok if he wins once more, but yeah, i think retirement is drawing near. please let him go enjoy his winnings before his ticker gives out and he's cheated from watching his legacy solidified.

sloth to winnit.

JS

6:01 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

elwood, i just looked up 'tribbles' b/c i had no idea what you were talking about. that's pretty obscure, trekkie. but it does kind of look like tribbles. cute.

JS

6:14 PM

 
Blogger Antid Oto said...

Nikita nailed it. SIAB must retire undefeated.

And Joanne, I'm not sure sloths come outside of boxes. The cardboard box could be the baby sloth's natural habitat. For example, check out these cuties. Born for the box and you know it.

7:04 PM

 
Blogger Katy said...

we have to defeat the sloth

go cubbie!!

11:09 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what do you people find so attractive about an animal that moves so slowly that it will grow moss on its back....

i vote for the adorable little bear cub who is probably singing, in the immortal words of winnie the pooh,
"up down, all around, puts me in the mood. up down, all around, in the mood for food!" and thinking about chowing down own that tasty flower...

perfect picture for spring: the right season for bear cubs AND flowers!

11:14 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i fully endorse the use of "you people" as a means to separate Us from Them.

back in the day, They thought: holy shit, the ugliest laziest most fucking nightmarish creature *can* manage to be cute. how novel. i'm gonna vote for that shit.

what We realize but They don't: not only is slothinabox fugly, he's a hackneyed motherfucker. plaaaayed out.

the reign of terror ends today.

tree-perching flower-eating lazy-fucking-eyed bear cub stays.

valerie

11:37 PM

 
Anonymous Keri said...

Oh man, that bear cub is awesome. It climbed a tree. The sloth? I guess they got their name because they never leave boxes. Bear cubs for variety!

1:18 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I saw what happened to the wombat. Damn if I'm going let that filthy-ass sloth pull the same shit: Bear me. L

1:34 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sloth. obviously. times one million.

2:17 AM

 
Blogger faith-o said...

bear cub in a tree!

8:40 AM

 
Anonymous elwood blues said...

it's trekk-er, thank you very much.

GO CUBS

9:30 AM

 
Blogger awww said...

12-12
and have I mentioned lately that I love you guys.

9:43 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bear Cub!

'Nuff said...

9:45 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Picnic time for teddy bears,
The little teddy bears are having a lovely time today.
Watch them, catch them unawares,
And see them picnic on their holiday.
See them gaily dance about.
They love to play and shout.
And never have any cares.
At six o'clock their mommies and daddies
Will take them home to bed
Because they're tired little teddy bears.


in case that wasn't obvious enough, that's a vote for the bear (if you don't know the song, you should check it out, its a childhood favorite. it should also be mentioned that there ARE no songs about sloths)

9:47 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bear

9:49 AM

 
Blogger mukaki said...

bear me II.

that sloth is grody. and while the flower in the mouth gag is a bit much ... it's the cubbie cub all the way. eff that early retirement bullshit.

9:50 AM

 
Blogger Stupid Haiku Dude said...

bear cub in a tree. dude. that's hot.

9:59 AM

 
Blogger Molly said...

Beartimes.

10:27 AM

 
Anonymous trishis said...

i agree with joanne - i think these suckas r just voting for the gimmick.

bear cub!

10:58 AM

 
Blogger Nana B said...

If it were a sloth OUT of a box, mayybe I'd go for the bear cub. But I can't vote for the bear cub just because the sloth wins to often.

Sloth in a box rules in this respect. Sorry.

SIAB!

12:12 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All these people voting for a bear are just sloth-haters. They probably don't do acid or smoke pot even. I mean the bear is just so boring. Sloths have mental telepathy.

Stop the hate. If you can't accept that the Sloth is on another planet of cute, you are a haterrrrrr.

Sloth, obviously.

12:13 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bear = Lenny Kravitz

SLOTH = FUNKADELIC!

12:15 PM

 
Blogger awww said...

bear pulls ahead
15-19 bear

12:34 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As an avid drug user, I am compelled to respond to the above claim from another "anon. said." I find the bear particularly congenial to my altered states of mind. Hello--looking at trees when you're on acid? Brilliant. A bear in that tree would make you think you were entering goddamn nirvana. The mossy sloth on the other hand would make you want to claw your eyes out and jump out the window. Freak you the fuck out: not trip friendly. PLUS--the Dead didn't have a sloth theme, now did they? USERS LOVE BEAR IN TREE.

12:56 PM

 
Blogger becca-jo said...

although a dancing sloth sticker would rule, on a cadillac.

1:07 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey, i smoke lots of pot still love the bear, as the other anon. poster said, who is the symbol of the dead? BEARS! and whats infinity times cooler that sloth in a box? BEAR IN A TREE!!! go bear!!

1:46 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sloth in a box! He loves me.

3:03 PM

 
Anonymous Nickelblog o' Funk said...

bear in a tree houses sloth in a box in a suprise spilt card decision - and no, I have no idea what any of that means.

3:22 PM

 
Blogger Mark Simon said...

I don't care about all the controversy. Sloth in a box is cuter than the bear. That's it.

3:33 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sloth

in

a

Booooooooox

3:42 PM

 
Blogger awww said...

18-22 bear,

we got til at least monday to sort out this controversy

4:16 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SLOTH

7:47 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

o, so i'll admit, the sloth is kind of cute, but that bear just makes me want to give it a big hug and chomp on that flower with it. bear, for the win

8:36 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gotta go for the sloth.

11:44 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have discussed this with an expert - psychotherapist(!). Rooting for the hideous underdog feels good. It makes all those years of torment make sense, somehow. But, no, the SIAB winning willl not make you a worthwhile person. Bear is more beautiful, bear is cuter, and, most likely bear is a cheerleader. Deal with it. BEAR WINS!!!!

1:02 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fuzzy wuzzy was a bear,
fuzzy wuzzy had no hair,
fuzzy wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy,
was he?

the bear is so much cuter than the hairless fuzzy wuzzy and, more importantly so much cuter that SIAB! so revel in its cuteness and vote bear cub!!

10:36 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bare in a trieee

11:06 AM

 
Blogger Tricia said...

Much as I love the boxsloth, I am clinically incapable of voting against a baby bear when it looks all stupid like that.
Bear. Not saying I won't vote for Sloth In A Gunnysack in the future.

9:11 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

never not sloth in a box! go sloth in a box!

9:31 PM

 
Anonymous missc said...

sloth in a motherfucking box!

sloth wins!

9:51 PM

 
Blogger sarah said...

i would like to keep the bear cub.

he reminds me of smokey the bear (who i hear is a lot more intense in person.)

10:32 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

B is for beyond cute
E is for everything i could ever hope for in an animal
A is for ADORABLE
R is for ruler of this contest

Put it all together and you have yourself a winner!

11:54 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so i'm stuck at home sick today instead of playing games and eating ice cream in class and the only thing that made it any better was looking at bear in a tree again. come on guys, anything with that kind of healing power deserves to win, hands down.

go bear in a tree, best medicine ever!

10:01 AM

 
Blogger Spottie G said...

The sloth has the ET thing going for it but I'm going to have to support the bear staying in existence.

12:33 PM

 
Anonymous nikita said...

if you separate the votes for Sloth, the votes for Bear, and the votes for Not Sloth, i bet my slothie wins.

9:53 PM

 
Blogger awww said...

buuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

31-22 bear

Begin the reign of B.I.A.T.

2:09 PM

 
Blogger image_shifter said...

Now that you've gotten rid of the sloth this is what you have to look forward to:
excerpt from an amazon review of "House of the Living Dead Two: The Video Game"
"And there's a good Marty of the undead to shoot. Skinny ones, fat ones, ninja ones (don't ask), police, inmates, vultures, leeches, plants, and even a sloth. I know, I didn't believe it either, but one level's boss is a giant zombie sloth that has the power to vibrate and thrust its pelvis against walls, knocking bodies from the ceiling."

1:45 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bearsloth.

10:22 PM

 
Blogger Gef said...

In the day and age where people are so secretive I really appreciate you sharing your true thoughts.
Regards

Sean Cody

2:44 PM

 
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