Pancakes and/or waffles 8: The ocho.

In the true Dutch spirit of Bear vs. Monkey, I give you pancakes and waffles numero ocho, Bear vs. Monkey: rumble in the donkey.

Y'all remember Velcro Bears? Well on account of popular demand they are back reppin' team BIAT. You know what that sign says? Huh? Do ya? It says "No Climbing" HA! Eat it. You know they have some incredible belay system set up. The one up top is on his way up and the one on bottom is on his way down. They're changing shifts plunging face first into bee hives up top and napping like they just fucked 6 times on the ground. GO!

This is a baby bonobo monkey from JeanKern. Bonobos masterbate. That's kind of what they're famous for. Masterbating. You see that look on his face, that's because he's masterbating right now and you know how much animals love eye contact when they get off. Well he's making eye contact with you! Right now.
Gosh he looks happy. Anyway.

Go fucking vote you bitch and quit staring at me. You're creeping me out


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Say BonoNO to Bonobos. I vote to keep BIATs.

3:52 PM

Blogger image_shifter said...

Bonobos are also famous for being promiscuous in general. Everyone in the gruop does it. Babies included.
I'm still thinking about my vote. till soon.

4:07 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

more bonoboinfo: if a bonobo starts getting angry, another bonobo will often give it a hand job until it calms down. fuck repression. one vote for the sexually-liberated ape-baby. L

4:46 PM

Anonymous Oceam's Edge said...

velcro bears!

monkeys just don't do it for me

5:15 PM

Blogger Katy said...

that monkey looks scary and those bears are just sooooo cute! i vote bear, hands down!

5:57 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am generally all about the monkey, especially when those monkeys are apes. But bonobos are not cool. They are like the Berkeley of monkeys. You know that they smell like patchouli and wear Birkenstocks and eat granola and that the lady monkeys don't shave and wear peasant skirts and spin around a lot. That is not cool.

I am a dyed in the wool SIAB fanatic, but I have to go with the Velcro brother bears.

PS - there is a great sloth scene in the movie The Mission.

9:24 PM

Anonymous Keri said...

I concur: this bonobo is creepy.

Thank god it's not a lemur, though I imagine coming from a similar evolutionary tree, so to speak, there may be evilness left yet in the critters. Well, except that I suppose according to the Bible Belt, their sexual practises alone are enoguh to make them evil.

Velcro (tm) bears? NOT CREEPY AT ALL. Also, not evil! How could little cubs clinging to trees be evil? Too adorable! Vote for the cubs, completely.

9:24 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

also, bonobos are famous because the females have evolved specially rotated pelvises so they can engage in better female-female missionary-style sex. I'm not making this up.

and, all the male bonobos are really nice, because the female-female bonobos form coalitions so that males can't have sex with them unless they're nice. All the agressive, mean male bonobos get bred out. oh, and the females are dominant over the males.

-- eb

9:54 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

despite the female domination of bonobos, that one just plain isn't all that cute...gotta go with the baby bears...uber cute!

2:50 AM

Blogger Antid Oto said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:58 AM

Blogger Antid Oto said...

The rules of the game are not "which picture is cuter." If those were the rules, clearly the fuzzy little baby bears are conventionally "cuter."

The rules are "pancakes or waffles," and bonobos are the awesomest pancakes. NOT ONLY do they solve all their problems with sex, as anonymous has described, they're the nerdliest little monkeys ever. Look at that little guy. Hair parted in the middle and everything, bright-eyed cause he's excited to go to school and learn. And in his world the bigger, meaner monkeys don't pick on him when he gets there--no! They give him hand jobs! Is this not paradise? A society where nerds of both sexes get laid all the time?

You people better recognize.


4:00 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

fuck a bammer ass monkey. he's creepy in a bad way. him jerking it on camera just doesn't do it for me.

i'm on team bear. but only because i'm playing by the rules this time...no rogue votes for bats or sloth. now someone send one of those bears to my house so i can hug it while i'm drunk.

5:03 AM

Anonymous Riikka said...

Velcro bears. Now I must go and sew a velcro suit for myself. I want to cling to trees forever like these bears.

5:47 AM

Blogger faith-o said...

No contest. I'm all for double bear cub in a tree.

10:26 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm still mad about the sloth getting voted down. that was some bullshit.

10:36 AM

Blogger Molly said...

Bears all the way. Grrr.

11:15 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Velcro Bears, yo.

--Nana B

11:20 AM

Blogger awww said...

bears 10
bonobo 2

this doesn not look good for the wanker.

11:53 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

bear dans la shubbry

12:38 PM

Blogger Emma B said...

Now that all you jerk-offs have rejected the jerk-offs, my position is clear. Bonobos all the way! Those lil bears are sorry little teases. . . and downright dull compared to the horny monkey.
Velcro bears=Burnt Belgian.
Long live the Bonobo!

12:45 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sticky Bears!

2:15 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

How you could vote against an animal that has sex with another upon their first greeting (male/female, male/male, female/female, whatever) is just beyond me. Bonobos forever.

2:20 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a damn travesty ... maybe times three. The bonobo is the complete package. The Bonobo will make all your dreams come true. What more do you people want? Make Mine Bonobo.

2:56 PM

Blogger mattcohen said...

Maybe we should move the sex-hype away from the adorable baby animals......oh who am i kidding, i want to fuck a bear. (Bonobos are too easy)

3:42 PM

Anonymous L.M. said...

I vote to keep the bears.

I don't need a bunch of monkeys showing up at my tea parties just to masturbate in front of all my friends. It's unacceptable.

3:55 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

this isn't a frat party, this is a cuteness contest, and that monkey just doesn't have what it takes. down with ugly horny guys, up with snouts and paws. bear for the win!

4:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

regardless of whether its about cuteness or not, theres something to be said about not corrupting your children with sex..bears all the way

4:45 PM

Blogger becca-jo said...

Bear. For shizzle.

Ironic that a group of sloth bears ate that monkey. When it came time to pay the bill, do you think they went dutch?

5:07 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...


5:19 PM

Blogger emily said...

Even without all the antibonobo comments I would go with the BIAT. Bears upa tree rock the house.

5:52 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

bears and apes both suck. go sloths in a box!!!

6:20 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I go Bears. Bears beat monkeys every time. Even when the monkeys are beating off. Bears Bears Bears. Especially baby ones.

6:46 PM

Blogger image_shifter said...

Here's another vote for Bonobos. Because all you bear lovers are repressed.

7:01 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

sexual liberation and cuteness? did you see those eyes? how often do you get the whole package (no pun intended) bonobos bonobos bonobos!

8:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is just sad for the monkey. i don't even know why bear fans are still voting... obviously their boy is going to win. isn't that enough? do they have to humiliate the bonobos on top of the win? he can't help it if he's twisted. nature made him this way; he was given this world he didn't make it. don't worry monkey, i know they like to beat you down a lot, when they come around the block, brothers clown a lot. and you ain't meant to survive 'cause it's a set up, and even though you're fed up, you gotta keep ya head up.

one vote, if only a vote of confidence, for the bonobos.


9:38 PM

Anonymous mike the cat. said...

BIAT? Biotch!
bonobos know.
Say no
to v.b.
one more vote for bo-no-bos!

10:42 PM

Blogger Spottie G said...

My vote goes to the BIAT team. As we get closer to the summer, fire safety is only getting more important and those two cubs are going to be essential interns for Smokey, making copies of fire safety flyers until late in the night and posting them around hundreds of campgrounds.

1:14 AM

Blogger sarah said...

let's keep bears, please. it's a fire safety issue.

1:20 AM

Blogger image_shifter said...

Look here, Spottie G and all you other deluded voters for the velcro bears:

Arson has been scientifically linked to sexual frustration.

Therefore, the Bonobos (or the kinky kinkajou, for that matter) are doing a thousand times more to prevent forest fires than that frigid ol' Smokey. A vote for bonobos IS a vote for fire-free forests. Thank you.

1:21 AM

Blogger awww said...

Holy dik-dik tupac's alive and living in london under the cyber-alias JS.

BIAT: 20
wanker: 11

Tug faster little guy, you'll never make it like this.

9:56 AM

Blogger Newfweiler said...

Bears in a tree!
Which would you rather see when you looked out the window? Bear cubs!
Which would you give to your kid? Bear cubs!
Who ever heard of a teddy bonobo?

11:46 AM

Blogger Johnny Hazard said...

I am the first to love bonobos but I am also partial to BIAT. But what swings me into the ape-camp was the recent news regarding some bears and monkey.

Ugly, wankin', nerdirrriiifffic, bonobo baby gets a special species sympathy vote.

Now, had a group of bonobos ate a bear cub...

11:58 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...


says the nurse, from his secret nursey hideaway

1:30 PM

Blogger awww said...

As long as we're on the topic of fucking monkeys, I got this from the crew over at sanschain

3:00 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i didn't even know there were bears in that first picture--i thought it was a picture of a condom wrapper stuck to a tree. cute as that is .... i'm going with the bonobo.

3:22 PM

Blogger image_shifter said...

Wow, awww, that's amazing. Monkey fucking is part of human nature after all. . . How much do you want to rub that one in the face of one of those evolution-delying crazies trying to get creatioism taught in schools. I love to see the look on one of their pious scrunched up faces.

5:08 PM

Blogger image_shifter said...

I meant denying, but you knew that.

5:08 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

just for that article, and despite my love of bear cubs, toss a vote on the bonobo pile...can't vote against my...grandma?

5:29 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Bonoboombastic!

6:19 PM

Blogger mattcohen said...

Men may have been mating monkey for million of years, but who do they go to when they just want to have a good time? Bears, that who. We know where the honey's at.

6:32 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

we can't destroy anything based on masturbation or we'd all be fucked (and not by willing and sensitive monkeys).

Go Bonobo!

1:18 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would like to vote for the masturbatory monkey, please.

1:11 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...


2:41 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes indeed, the monkey spanking its monkey.

3:01 PM

Blogger awww said...

jerk off: 17

biat : 22

pulling up from the behind

3:41 PM

Anonymous Mike the Cat said...

Bonobos are what Project X was about, right?--Make love not war. And that movie sank Matthew Broderick's career for like 10 years, so even if he did make his annoying way back in the end, I think we have to thank the bonobos forever for that little break, don't you think?

Baby bonobo

6:55 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sea otter

6:58 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

otter blotter

2:09 PM

Anonymous Easy E said...

bo no bos

2:10 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

banana-lovin' monkey.

6:45 PM

Anonymous BillyB said...

The fonky monkey with the jonky in its tronky. Huh! Huh! Huh! Bonobo!

8:02 PM

Anonymous Tapir's Toothbrush said...

I want bonobo!
I love bonobo!
I fuck bonobo!
I vote bonobo!

1:06 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bonobos forever!

3:05 AM

Blogger awww said...

23 - 22 bo no bo

Fuckin' A, the come-(on your back)-kid.

2:04 PM

Anonymous Colander Samurai said...

Some kind of monkey.


2:16 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

{sloth in a box} Go for it bonobo! {/sloth in a box}

6:06 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

velcro bears are so much cooler than the pervert...go bears!!

6:25 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

as cool as bonobos are, bear cubs are just soo much cooler...go bears

12:49 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

puh-lease with the bear cubs. Never not bonobo.

1:28 PM

Blogger awww said...

it's the wanker!

12:18 AM

Anonymous Jaso said...

hi tere sup boys

4:29 AM


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